Speechless

So, I called this morning at about 9:30am to get PET scan results, but Dr. Siegel and his CPN were in clinicals.  Call back at 4, says Linda in the office.  I called back at 4:40 and the good doc is STILL in clinicals.  I guess I’ll wait until Thursday to hear how the scan went.

Karen and I hopped in the car about 5:15 to meet with cousins and aunts on the Vicarel side.  It’s always a treat to eat out in the middle of the week, isn’t it?  Just as we pulled off the expressway, my cell rang.  Thought it’d be one of the kids.  But, no, it was Kelly from Dr. Siegel’s office.  “Before I left tonight, I wanted to tell you the results of your scan.  Your PET scan came back negative”.  Keep in mind that in medical tests usually “negative” is a good thing.  Unless you were hoping to be pregnant.  So, she proceeds to say there is no active cancer in my liver, although there are still visible lesions.  The thought is that previous treatments have subdued the cancer.  I ask about the rest of me.  She pauses, rereading the radiologist’s notes, and says, “No sign of cancer anywhere.  Not in your bones, not in your abdomen, not in your head”.    OHMYGOD  OHMYGOD  I NEVER REALLY THOUGHT THIS COULD HAPPEN!!!!!  Well, okay, I did think it COULD happen, but I didn’t think it was likely.  I am thrilled to be at ground zero!!!!

Kelly is not an oncologist.  She is the CPN with the liver surgeon.  It is really not her place to discuss cancer with me, per se.  She did proceed to say that the Y90 radiation pill is off the table for now.  It will be my first gun, most likely, when the cancer becomes feisty again.  Doc Seigel will speak to Doc Silverman again and they’ll decide if/what changes to make going forward.  Could be that MRIs will be ordered instead of catscans, saving me some radiation.  I need to find out if full body MRIs exist.  Otherwise, the MRI would only be watching my liver…and I’d like to keep on eye on the rest of my innards, too, thank you very much.

I really can hardly even think about it.  I really just want to pretend like I don’t have cancer anymore.  Ok?  Just for awhile…like until December, maybe…let’s pretend I’m as healthy as you are.  I just want to keep feeling very, very happy.  No cancer showed up in my breast.  No cancer showed up in my lymph.  No cancer showed up in my liver.  Happy, happy, happy.

Oh, and back to dinner for a moment.  Remember that great guy I married nearly 23 years ago?  That guy that phoned home  after my first round of chemo was over and said, let’s just go to Florida for the weekend….that guy that had room service deliver a heaping helping of fresh berries to my room in NYC while I was there with his sisters because he knows I get anxious without my antioxidants!…that guy?!  Well, after greeting my cousins and aunts and chatting a bit, the waitress come over with a bottle of champagne and a toast….from John!  Then, after we had dinner and feasted on cake in celebration of Karen’s retirement, a plate of fresh fruit arrived…from John!  Cousin Kathy joked, “Gee, you think he’ll pay for our dinners, too?”  And guess what…the bill arrived and you-know-who had already paid it.  There are no words for that sweet love…  All you men out there, the bar has been raised!

Now, it’s time for bed.  I look forward to sweet, sweet dreams.  Webster hasn’t yet come up with a word for these emotions.  Obviously, there’s thankful, blessed, happy…but nothing that hits that euphoria quite right.  So, I’m rendered speechless.

For all your prayers, for all your words of encouragement, for your friendship and love, I am once again sooooooo thankful.

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About nancy5vic

40-something year old cancer goddess (hah...make that 50-something now!!) raising four children and one husband. Diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer in 2008. Love to travel, cook, bake and spend time with my kids and friends. My perfect day always starts with breakfast out...especially fantastic if I'm with John.
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8 Responses to Speechless

  1. Alice Bedell says:

    Nancy,

    This is the BEST news ever!!! You were so much on my mind yesterday. Never got to call you. What a way to start the day today! It does my heart good. Thanks be to God for your good health.

    Love ya,
    Alice

  2. Annmarie Keogh says:

    Thank you God, thank you God, thank you God! Thank you for Nancy. The world truly is in need of more souls like her. Thank you for letting us keep her. Thank you on her loving husband’s behalf, thank you on her precious children’s behalf. Thank you on behalf of all of the family and friends that love her and cherish her.

    Your blessing is not lost on any of us.

    Amen.

  3. Terri Brokaw says:

    Nancy, thats fantastic news…….thank god! You truly are an inspiration to so many.

  4. Marisa Mancino says:

    Hello Nancy, what wonderful news, we have been praying for you and your family,hope you continue with wellness on your journey.

  5. Diane Vicarel says:

    I was there last night and it was an amazing life-affirming moment to share your joy! I continue to pray that God keeps you well. (And that husband of yours is pretty amazing. Can we clone him?)

  6. nancy5vic says:

    Thanks everyone. Today was sure a great day…here’s to many more!!!

  7. Joy says:

    So happy for you, Nancy. Take the momentum of these blessings and run with them.

  8. WOW that is incredible news!!!!! “Eye has not seen…ear has not heard what God has prepared for those who love Him.” We know you love HIM!!!!

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